ISSUES FACED BY MALE SURVIVORS

Societal Denial

The society we live in prefers to deny the fact that men get sexually assaulted. Increasingly, however, men are reporting sexual assault. In the independently-thinking, tough-guy Western atmosphere of Montana, the need to deny the existence of male sexual assault is still strong. It is partly rooted in the mistaken belief that men are immune to being victimized, that a man should be able to fight off any attacker if he is a “real man.” Two other, closely related beliefs are that men can’t be forced into sex—either they want it or they don’t—and that male victims of sexual assault must be gay and, therefore, attacked by other men, not by women. 

These beliefs allow a lot of men to feel safe and invulnerable, and to think of sexual assault as something that only happens to women.  Unfortunately, these beliefs can also increase the pain that is felt by a male survivor of sexual assault. These beliefs leave the male survivor feeling isolated, ashamed, and “less of a man,” and they allow denial of childhood sexual abuse and an inability to heal from those wounds. These beliefs also perpetuate a society in which it is acceptable and normal for one person or group to abuse another by maintaining power and control over another individual or group, reinforcing inequity and mistaken beliefs about interpersonal relationships.

The effects of these beliefs make it hard to obtain good data on the prevalence of sexual assault against men. Surveys of sexual assault survivors show a minority (15% to 30% or fewer) actually report the crime; the percentage for male survivors is even lower. According to the Colorado Coalition Against Sexual Assault (2000), statistics indicate 1 in 6 men are sexually assaulted or abused in their lifetime. Other records estimate that 92,700 men are raped each year in the United States, meaning that, excluding institutional settings (prisons, for example) approximately 9% of all rape victims in the U.S. are men. The perpetrator of sexual assault against a man is typically a heterosexual male; men victimized by sexual assault are both straight and gay.

Like many sexual assault survivors, men's feelings of shame, confusion and self-blame can leave them suffering in silence. Given societal and cultural attitudes, it is no wonder so few men actually get help after being sexually assaulted.

Unique Problems and Concerns

For most men the idea of being a victim is very hard to handle. In America, as in much of the world, children are raised to believe that a man should be able to defend himself against all odds, or that he should be willing to risk life and limb to protect his pride and self-respect. Think of movies, TV shows (even sitcoms), and public commentary in which the main [male] figure is prepared to fight or must choose how (not whether) to respond to an insult or name-calling. If a term such as "girly-man" is "fightin' words," surely a "real" man would die rather than be subjected to unwanted sexual advances by other men! And these scenarios leave out the possibility of women as perpetrators.

Many male survivors of sexual assault are victimized as children, and may be victims of other types of child abuse as well. These circumstances increase feelings of shame and guilt; they also offer little guidance, and provide negative role models, for boys learning appropriate interaction with others -- male or female.

Responses and Effects

Some responses to sexual assault may be similar to both female and male survivors. Each may question whether they deserved or somehow wanted to be sexually assaulted because they believe they didn't defend themselves. For a man who survives sexual assault, the social expectations of being able to defend himself against anyone under any condition means he failed as a man, if he did not stop the assault. Male survivors frequently see their assault as a loss of manhood and get disgusted with themselves for not fighting back. 

These beliefs about “manliness” and “masculinity” are deeply ingrained, and can lead to intense feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy for the male survivor of sexual assault. While the feelings are normal, these thoughts  aren’t necessarily true. A fundamental reminder to any sexual assault survivor is to remember they did the best thing they could do at the time to survive—there’s nothing unmasculine about that.

As a result of guilt, shame and anger, some men punish themselves by getting into self-destructive behavior after being sexually assaulted. For some men, this means increased alcohol and drug use. For others, it means increased aggressiveness, like arguing with friends or co-workers or even picking fights with strangers.

Many men pull back from relationships and wind up feeling more and more isolated. For some male survivors, sexual difficulties develop; it may be difficult to resume sexual relationships or start new ones because sexual contact may trigger flashbacks, memories of the assault, or just plain bad feelings. It can take time to get back to normal, which adds to the difficulty for a male survivor since the culture expects him to be ready for sexual activity at any time.

It’s easy to see why male survivors of sexual assault are at increased risk for getting depressed, getting into trouble at work, getting physically hurt, or developing alcohol and drug problems.

Sexual Identity and Sexual Violence

For heterosexual men, sexual assault almost always causes some confusion or questioning about their sexuality. Since many people believe that only gay men are sexually assaulted, a heterosexual survivor may begin to believe that he must be gay or that he will become gay. As a method of controlling and humiliating the victim, perpetrators often accuse their victims of enjoying the sexual assault, leading some survivors to question their own experiences. In fact, being sexually assaulted has nothing to do with sexual orientation, past, present or future. People do not “become gay” as a result of being sexually assaulted.

For gay men, sexual assault can lead to feelings of self-blame and self-loathing attached to their sexuality. The homophobic sentiment in society already causes many gay men to have deep internal conflicts about their sexuality. Being sexually assaulted may lead a gay man to believe he somehow “deserved it” because of his sexual identity. Unfortunately, this self-blame can be reinforced by ignorance or intolerance from others who blame the victim by suggesting that a gay victim somehow provoked the assault or was less harmed by it because he is gay. Gay men may also hesitate to report a sexual assault due to fears of blame, disbelief or intolerance by police or medical personnel. As a result, gay men may be deprived of legal protections and necessary medical care following an assault.

Some sexual assaults of men are actually forms of gay-bashing, motivated by fear and hatred of homosexuality. Perpetrators in such cases may verbally abuse the victim, including insisting the victim deserved to be sexually assaulted. Many cases of sexual assault against men on college campuses happen in the context of  "initiations" into a  group. Whether the group is formal or informal, this type of hazing—an ordeal the initiate  must go through to prove he is a "real man," that he can "take it" and he's "one of the team"— reinforces homophobia and heterosexism, and strengthens societal denial of sexual assault against men. While against policy on most campuses, hazing is a reality that some college students face.

It’s important to remember that sexual assault is an act of violence, power and control; NO ONE deserves it.

ReSPONSE services are free and confidential to all students, staff and faculty who request them, men and women, gay and straight. If a person is not comfortable talking to a ReSPONSE staff member, he or she will be referred to someone they are comfortable with and who can help deliver whatever services the survivor decides to pursue.

Thanks to the University of Texas at Austin for the genesis of this article. www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc